Once Upon A Spud
by vigilante16
Summary: Feisty Elena meets an even feistier Stefan over one certain spud. Fate has a funny way of putting people together. Ah/au Ooc. Lemons in later chapter so ratings may change..!
1. Chapter 1 - Fry Stealer

Chapter one: fry stealer.

Alarm clocks are annoying. A Caroline in the morning is even worse. I mean who can be so cheerful and jumpy at 9 o clock in the morning?!

"Wakey, wakey Elena! It's a new day the sun is sunny the clouds are cloudy…and you-"she said taking a whiff of me "-are Elena Smellena"she said chortling.

"What do you want care?"I asked annoyed."I mean why would you want to wake me up at this ungodly hour?"

"Elena its 9. Jeez woman! Don't you remember we have a gig at the freaking bar to prepare for? Damon's going to be really pissed with you." Damon was our band leader playing the lead guitar. Caroline played the keyboard and I was the drummer. trust me. Even I don't know how I ended up being the drummer but Damon said that my rhythm sense was great and cause of my high school gymnastics my wrists were flexible. At least I have something to be thankful for from high school.

Damon also is engaged to my best friend from back in mystic falls. they only took one glance at each other and BOOM it was love at first sight, I swear time stood still and there were violins playing around . Bonny is a junior in NYU like me, and Damon is a senior. I know it's fast but those two are inseparable! They are so mushy that I almost puke in my mouth at times. Damon's always been the jolly type though there is something about him that is missing. Like a part of him that was taken away from him years ago.

I got into the shower then got, dressed in my skinnies and red sweater, there was a nip in the air. I grabbed my sticks and headed to Bills Tavern. I loved Bills for 2 reasons. Number one bill is a darling who gave us the gigs and number 2…. The fries were to die for.

Damon entered in as I placed an order for my chilly fries. He seriously looked pissed.

"Damon what's wrong? did something happen?"I asked

"Yes. Matt quit! And its cause you both broke up"

"Damon it was mutual! Do not blame me! Seriously! Yo Bill-"I called over the counter"- make the fries extra hot!"I added haughtily

"What are we gonna do Elena? We are screwed!"

"No we are not. Look I will figure something out ok?"

"You better Elena. Look I'm leaving now but I better see someone with the base or else"

"Don't threaten me douche nozzle I will do what I can."

Damon left at that. My order arrived and I turned on my heel and went to sit in my usual place.

Just as I sat and I began to read the paper, I saw a hand approaching my fries. No one and I mean no one touches my fries. I saw red.

"Just what do you think you are doing?! Keep your hands to yourself you fry-napper!"

"relax chickadee I came to talk to you" said the green eyed_ and very very gorgeous….._ No stupid conscience, napper.

"And steal my fries?!You've got 30 seconds before I rip you're head off!"

"Calm down a notch chick. I overheard about your bass guitar dilemma so I figured why not help a fellow mate?"

"Over my dead and rotting corpse "I proclaimed.

"Look let's get down to business woman. You need me and I'm offering help, take it or leave it"

"Grrrr fine tonight at 7. Don't look so happy so happy about it. It's just a trial round"

"Cool. I'm Stefan by the way. Stefan Santiago and you are?''

"None of your business I" said" I grabbed my fries paid the bill and walked away.

This is going to get ugly.

**A/N- I figured out TVD needed some humor. There are only a few fanfictions offering humor….it's sad really.**

**Please review**

**Xoxo**

**Vig16**


	2. Chapter 2 - bass kings of leon and fries

Chapter 2- bass kings of leon and more fries

Spov

I liked two things the most- girls and feisty girls. As I turned around on the bed' I noticed I wasn't !i did it again

_well well well Stefan that shrink be right. You be fucking girls to get over your issue. _

Grrrr shut the hell up inner voice.

_you just know I am right yo._

not only was my inner voice annoying the damn thing even acted black. Damn! My head is fifty kinds of fucked up!

I need a drink. Like now.

I snuck outta the bimbo chicks apartment. There was only one thing going on in my head. Fry girl. Not only was she fucking gorgeous, the woman had a mouth on her.

_Hmmmm she be your next lay bruh? I think you be insane._

You are me douche nozzle n stop acting black.

_Okay._

Todays the day. Great now I sound like dexter.

I hurried back to my apartment and prepared for todays gig. Somethings telling me that this is gonna be a long day.

_OUASOUASOUASOUASOUASOUASOUASOUAS****************** ************************_

_I_i rushed into bills tavern. Thank god I am on time atleast.

"you're late" came a voice from behind.

"no I am not. I am exactly on time."

Unless I told you to be here at 7:02 I say youre not"

"look lady,its only 2 minutes okay? I mean nothing can happen in two minutes"

I"I beg to differ. Anything can happen in two can play asong, the world can end, you could you know drop dead and you can even get your ass kicked."

"hmm is that so? I know you like me lady so why not cut to the chase and get into bed with me huh? What say?."

"again steffi, over my dead and rotting corpse." Damn. I really really like feisty I hate it when people call me steffi.

"its Stefan."

I really don't give a rats ass ."

"yo Elena over here" oh so fry girls names Elena.

We walked towards the raven haired guy and the brunette. The guy looked so familiar. Theres something about those icy blue eyes that had some certain aura about them. Weird.

"so damon this is Stefano "

"Stefan"

"I really don't care"

"so you're the jackass replacement Elena keeps talking about? Hmmm I like you. Lets see what you got." Damon. That was a really familiar name.

"well why don't you'll tell me the song you'll are going to play"

"well –"said the brunette "we are waiting for caroline,shes the keyboardist by the way. Oh and I am bonnie damons fiancée."

"nice to meet you bonnie" I said offering my hand. She shook it gently but firmly. _Hmmm a politicians handshake._

"sorry sorry sorry I am so sorry! There was this humongous sale and there were these really H.O.T cherry red stillettoes and-"the blonde, caroline I guess looked at me like I was a piece of meat."-wow! Whos this hunk of meat."she asked me.

"Stefano."Elena said. Ugh this girl certainly is gonna be the death of me!

"again, its Stefan. Nice to meet to caroline" she gave me her hand and I kissed it. She giggled like a school girl. I smirked at her and then we were interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

"ahem"

"yeah so what do you play anyways Elena? The tambourine? The triangle?."I asked cockily.

"well you can just wait and see. I do play the triangle very very well." Is it just me or did that girl just get seductive?

We headed toward the stage and I hooked up my bass and damon hooked his lead. I saw caroline at her place at the keyboard. Damon turned so that the drummer could give us a beat. I turned. And I just stood there. With an open jaw.

"you can shut youre jaw or you will catch flies there steffi"Elena said cockily.

Wow. Elena is a drummer.

"1 2 3 4"damon started. We played the instrumental and Elena joined in. that girl was good!

"_lay were youre laying_

_Don't make a sound_

_I know their watching, watching._

_All the commotion,kiddy like play, _

_Has people talking,talking-"_

I couldn't help but join in as I changed the cord.

"_you,you sex is on fire"_

Damon let me . um what the hells happening?

"_the dark of the alley,the breaking of day_

_The head while im driving,driving_

_Soft lips are open,knuckeles pale_

_Feels like youre dying,youre dying"_

Everyone joined the chorus.

"y_ou,youre sex is on fire_

_Consumed with whats to transpire"_

"rap it up guys. To the end"

"_you, youre sex is on fire_

_And you youre sex is on fire_

_Consumed with whats to transpire_

_And you yore sex is on fire_

_Consumed with whats to transpire"_

We wrapped it up and Elena did this amazing roll thing.

"well-"damon said"- welcome to our band you my friend are great!by the way we we are damon and the dam-onstraters"he said with a half smile.

"thanks damon"I said.

"welcome new boy. I am going to make you suffer."Elena said smirking.

"we will see about that drummer girl"

Oh, it was so on.

**A/N this chapter dedicated to manny for storming into my life unexpectedly. Welcome to the fandom bub!**

**Bookworm5896 for being my amazing friend and for setting the LAST FRY FOR SIM rule**

**Bcube my bff for just being you and introducing me to the fandom at the tender age of still youre fault for my addiction by the way!**

**LAG94 ,teamstefanforever larag10 bookworm5896 swanqueen4055 for the reviews and follows! You guys seriously rock!**

**Posting may not be so regular because of my drum exams*shudder* and school tests *shudder squared* and the dreamcatchers bizz I am currently running. So please bare with me.**

**Now my lovelies! R&R**

**Xoxo**

**Vig16**


	3. Chapter 3 - chat with Damon and fries

Chapter 3. chat with a sad damon and fries

**A/N yo yo people! I am back. Well this note is going to be pretty long…so yeah.**

**Ok so the reason..**

** 2 weeks have been unbelievably long. Our weekends changed from Thursday and Friday to Friday and Saturday.**

** own best friend stole the last fry!**

**3. I have GERD and started hyperventilating like a freak in school and I was rushed to the hospital.**

**4. improvisation for drums started.**

**5. I cannot eat fries anymore *shock***

**So there you have it. I will be posting 2 chapters. I will be expecting 10 reviews…or I am discontinuing this fic.**

**All typos are my mistakes**

**Preread by bookworm5896**

_***Previously on once upon a spud***_

_**SPOV**_

"_**well-"Damon said"- welcome to our band you my friend are great! by the way we are, Damon and the dam-onstraters "he said with a half smile.**_

"_**Thanks Damon "I said.**_

"_**Welcome new boy. I am going to make you suffer."Elena said smirking.**_

"_**We will see about that drummer girl"**_

_**Oh, it was so on.**_

OUASOUASOUASOUASOUAS************

EPOV

Gah! That Stefan guy is absolutely infuriating! Seriously can a guy get on my nerves this much?! Damn…_but he is hawt! _shut up inner voice !_hey you're only mad 'cause I'm right._ugh.

I stopped my internal ranting when I reached my apartment. It was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen.

"Damon! Hey! Whats wrong?."I asked worried.

"Leave me alone Elena. Just leave me the fuck alone."

"Well no I can't. Because a) you're sitting outside my apartment and b)you're my best friend."I said sitting next to him.

"Hey-"I said as I nudged him in the shoulder"-Damon come on. Whats wrong? Tell me."

"Oh Elena. It's him. It's Stefan." He said and then he just burst out crying. I have never seen Damon like this before.

"Hey, hey! It's okay just let it out Damonkey."I said. I used the pet name I had given him. He kept his head on my shoulder and I could feel his tears soak through my t-shirt.

"I had a brother you know. He was my best friend. He was born when I was three and we were inseparable ever since. My brother unlike other siblings was the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved showing him off to my friends. He was the cutest little thing with big forest green eyes and bronze hair that was always a mess.

Then one day when I was 6, our parents took us to the carnival in California. "He sniffed.

"Go on Damon" I coaxed.

"It was so much fun! We had so much candy that we went on a sugar rush. And I suggested we go on the monster ride.

He didn't want to go. Hell! I didn't want to go either. But I wanted to be the first one among my friends to do so. To be cool. But I couldn't leave him alone.

My parents were enjoying the Ferris wheel nearby. And that was the last time I had seen them that close.

Anyway, there were a lot of people near the monster ride. I held his hand as tightly as I could. He was so scared, he ran away from my hold Elena. He ran away.

And he was never found again.

My father died after that. He used to drink all the time. His liver gave away. He had given up on life long before that.

My mom lost the twinkle she had in her eyes. I know she kept going on because of me. "He stopped.

"I don't know what to say Damon. But it's not your fault. It's not, does bonnie know?"

"No you are the first person I have told"

"She has the right to know Damon."

"I will tell her soon elenie"

"Now come on. You deserve bills fries."

We went to bills again and placed the orders.

"You dint ask what his name is Elena."

"I won't ask you, you don't have to tell me Damon."

"Stefan. His name was Stefan Salvatore."

**AH. THERE YOU GO MY LOVELIES. A CLIFFIE…**


	4. Chapter 4 - drunken road singing and sex

Chapter 4: drunken road singing and drunken sex

SPOV

Girls. The best thing on the planet to plant your junk in.

Bars. The best place to lose your worries.

Now if you put this two together, you have heaven.

Hence bars the best place to get chicks because it's just the right thing!

Today was a different case though. Today I came here to lose my frustrations. The name of the person who caused it. Elena.

That girl was seriously gonna be the death of me.

I sat on the bar stool and ordered my drink. Bourbon straight on the rocks. Yeah that's my drink.

I was drowned in my thoughts and then I was interrupted by an all too familiar chime of a certain woman's voice. Elena.

"Bourbon on ice please." Wow. Definitely my type of girl.

"well well well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Stefan."she said with a nod.

"Oh so you got my name right, wow! Did the temperatures in hell drop down?"

"Not now Stefan. I am clearly not in the mood." I couldn't help but feel a tug in my heart when she said that. Strange. That never happened before.

"Well I can certainly put you in the mood beautiful"

"First of all, like I said, over my dead and rotting corpse and second, do not call me beautiful."

"Okay. I was just asking , -"I said

"Continue"

"For a challenge."

"Go on"

"Most tequila shots done in a minute take it or leave it."

"Challenge accepted."

"Yo bartender, 20 shots each please."

The bartender lined up the shot glasses on both the sides. This attracted a lot of people who were now our audience.

"Alright 20 shots one minute, may the best man win!"

"3, 2, 1 go!"

She started. I started. And the way the girl drank.

One drink I was fine. Second drink I was fine. But when the 10 shot hit, I started slowing down. My vision blurred, my voice slurred. The timer went off.

"Elena 15 shots."

"Stefan 10. Elena wins!" hot damn! She won.

"Booya Stefano!" she said doing a victory dance that looked like the chicken dance…with its head cut off.

"Gah. Elena smella wins. Heehee smellena" boy! Was I drunk.

"Heehee Stefano the sea lion. You suck!"

"Sooooo wan' walk with me?"

"Okies. Dwop mes tos my apartments okies?"aw drunk Elena baby talks. Cute.

We walked out of the bar. And luckily her apartment was near the bar.

"So-" I was interrupted when Elena started sing macklemores thrift shop really loudly.

"I'M GONNA POP SOME TAGS

ONLY GOT TWENTY DOLLARS IN MY POCKETS

I, I, IM HUNTING, LOOKING FOR A COME UP

THIS IS FUCKING" she hiccupped at this point, so I took it up on myself to continue for her.

"AWESOME!"

And now I wanted to sing with her and she actually let me!

"I WEAR YOUR GRANDADS CLOTHES

I LOOK INCREDIBLE

I'M IN THIS BIS ASS COAT

FROM THE THRIFT SHOP DOWN THE ROAD!

I WEAR YOUR GRANDADS COAT"

"DAMN RIGHT "Elena said.

"I LOOK INCREDIBLE"

"NOW COME ON MAN!"

"I'M IN THIS BIG ASS COAT

(BIG ASS COAT)

FROM THE THRIFT SHOP DOWN THE ROAD"

"LETS GO" Elena yelled.

"Oh we're here. night Elena"

"You can come in Stefano. She said seductively, or tried to. Whatever! Score!

She opened the door hurriedly, and removed her clothes on the talk about multitasking.

"Show me your jewels, show me your jewels." She said with a witchy voice.

"Wait woman! Stoopid skinnies" voila. Phew I could breathe now. Erection and skinnies ain't a good combo. My brain may be floating in alcohol but my other brain was perfectly fine.

"It's talking to me Stefan! Hello to you to Mr Penis. I dint know you was Italian. Beune giornio to you too" she said giggling.

"so wanna do it or what?"

"Hell yeah". She said as she attacked me and kissed me like there was no tomorrow.

"Mmm you taste so good Stefano."Yeah it was phenomenal.

"Ditto."

"What I'm gonna do next is not related to his okay?"

"Uh what?"

She ran to the bathroom and started puking. And listening to her puke. Ugh! My stomach started churning. I ran too. And I puked in the sink. Then she puked. And this kept going on and on for what seemed forever.

Elena collapsed on the bed and me on top of her.

**A/N whoa there!**

**R n r my lovelies**

**Xoxo**

**sim**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER DEDICATION: NAVI OR BCUBE AS I CALL HER, FOR BEING A CONSTANT SOURCE OF LAUGHTER IN MY LIFE NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY YOU ARE! HERES TO YOU BEEBS!

PLAYLIST: MY BODY- YOUNG THE GIANT

Chapter 5 inner banter ,perry and soggy fries.

EPOV

Whatever I had been upto last night no matter how …how what? Wait whats my name again? Damnit!

"mfff Elena" wait, that name sounded familiar. Elena. Waitaminute! That's me! I am Elena! Woohoo.

Ow ow please control your excitement! I thing theres been a freight train collision in here and the thinking thing…whats it called again? Oh yeah. The brain. The brain has been…I don't really know…killed I guess.

Shut up inner voice!

Ow don't mentally yell that hard! This is all your fault!

Wait. Another voice. Who else was here?!i tried to get up but damn I have been sandwiched under something and someone. And I dint feel like opening my eyes. Try to remember what happened yesterday yes. Oh hell no! what the fuck happened yesterday?

*flash back in vague*

Drinking

Tequila

20 shots

Damons story

Stefan singing

Ste -? What the fuck?!

"holy shit!" that's when I opened my eyes, and slightly regretted it. Stefan. I had spent the night with that asshole? Yes! Exactly!

"get the hell off of me!"

"what in the world?! Oh my god! What the hell happened in here?!" Caroline. Great. Just great.

"oh hi there Elena. I see that you couldn't resist me for long." Stefan said Cockily rolling off me.

"if you don't wipe that smirk of your face, I will punch it of you."

"someone had the bitchy pill" caroline said.

"what the hell are you doing here care?"

"well I got mice! You owe me! I had to flirt with that acne prone lab dweeb Eric for these! Gosh! Having insanely good looks suck sometimes. Anyways I will be of your case! You um put some clothes on. And I need details! Ta ta!" she gave us a wink and paraded out like some super model or something.

"god my head hurts. I swear if I tilt my head a little brain matter will flow from my ears." Stefan whined.

"look I don't know what happened between us, but we have to pretend that none of this happened."

"chill drummer girl! Nothing happened. At all. And please don't kid your self. I wouldn't do it with a psychopath like you anyways."

"feelings mutual amigo. Now if you'll excuse me I need to find Tylenol and put away the mice."

"What do you want the mice for anyways?"

"that's for me to know and for you to find out. Now do you want coffee?"

"yes. Yes I do."

"then get the fuck out of my house and get your own."

I proceeded to my room to feed perry. Perrys my python. The weirdo in the lab was going t put him away but I couldn't let him. Since then perry has been living with me. And hes as harmless as a dog or whatever. Atleast to me. But the mice…well that was a whole different story and I sure as hell would not tell it.

"oh shit 1 you have a snake? What the hell is wrong with you woman? It could eat you! I swear I like saw this documentary on pythons and there was one that ate a hippo!"

"shut up you wuss! Perrys a doll !aren't you perry" I cooed taking him out of the aquarium.

Stefan screamed.

"ouch! My head! You scream like a girl! Get out of my house! Out I say! Before I release perry on you!"

"im goin. Keep that thing away from me!" with that he left. I giggled. And I rarely giggle.

I need coffee. Like now. And fries. All I have are fries from yesterday. Soggy fries. Sigh. Potato potahto.

I proceeded my duties normally. Todays gonna be a long day.

A/N

Sorry for the late update.

Owning a python is on my to do list. And so is naming it perry!

Thank you fall all the favourites alerts and PMs people. Keep them coming.

If any of you'll has a fanfiction, let me know. Review and be reviewd.{that was stupid}

Meh. If you'll haven't heard about young the giants… what the hell are you waiting for?!

Read and review my lovelies!

Maahsalamah

Vig16


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6 UNDISCLOSED DESIRES

A/N chapter dedication : manny for waltzing into my life and making me feel special and loved.

Playlist: undisclosed desires- muse (Muse, Muse… MUSE *screaming like a crazy fangirl*)

Disclaimer : ya'll know who owns it.. lets cut to the chase shall we?

SPOV

fuck this shit. I was this close to taking advantage of drummer girl when she was out of , both of you'll.

Me feeling guilty about it is weird. I never feel guilty. Ever. Not since… not since I was abandoned by my own parents and left to rot in foster homes. Well fuck this noise. Who gives a flying fuck?

Anyways, this day is by far the worst day to have a fucking hangover. We have a gig. Even though its tonight I have a damn shrink appointment with the crazy shrink. Like right now.

I walk into the building and upto the receptionist and wink at her. Woman's clearly in her 50's or somethin'.

"hi Mrs. Butterfields, looking good."

"hi Mr. Santiago, you are late, Dr Patel is expecting you." She said nodding her head disapprovingly.

I smiled at her and went into the room. Dr Patel's room was filled with tribal carving sculptures of head and stuff. She said she finds the human brain fascinating, hence the job. Dr Patel was a really hot shrink, and believe me I tried to make a move on her. But damn she is strict about following all the rules and shit like that. British accent on the Indian skin sure is something.

"morning doc." I said heading towards the brown couch and crashing on it.

"Mr Santiago, youre late, again. Whats your story this time?"

"meh, got kicked out of my-idontknowwhatsheis' house and hadto walk all the way from there to my apartment. Plus I have a killer hangover."

"A girl? hnm intresting. go on" Dr patel prompted.

"No, theres nothing there. so please." i scoffed. yeah, there sure was something and i didnt like it. I dint feel like this since her.

"classic case of defence. your afraid of loving someone after Rebekah. your afraid of loss and abandonement, like the way you felt when klaus and your parents left. Admit it Stefan. own it. you dont want your nightmares starting do you? they almost killed you last time." that really ,really stung.

"Yeah whatever. Can I go now?" i asked irratated.

"Yes of course Stefan. see you soon."

"yeah ok"holy shit on a fucking stick! what the fuck did i just get my self into?

i need to like get stoned. Now. Ah dammit! i totally forgot about the fuckin gig at Bill's.

Damn. today definately aint my day.

COUPLE HOURS LATER.

"so Stefan,you know the song right?" Damon asked.

"Are you shitting me? I love muse. Damn. especially undisclosed desires. it like ya know speaks to me and all that."

" I really dont care about the song, but man is Matt Bellamy H.O.T! whew!"Caroline said fanning herself. count on her to say something like that.

Elena glared at her.

"So anyways, we should like start now. Practice or whatever.

SPUDPOV

intended to do that. what to say. the back room found them and the joint just...happened to slip in their mouths. Boy, were humans dagnab stupid!

"OMG, this stuffs awesome! i feel like i am going to fly!" Said care giggling.

"Man, didja see my pretty face? its so pretty! here Bonnie touch my my face." said Damon. OMG. Im dying here.

"Ay, you stole my candy you sonofabitch." Bonnie said. Damn. she looked then she laughed. This circles weird.

"Hey Stefan, did i tell ya? i thinks your cute" Elena said, Giggling like a school girl.

Everybody just stared at her.

"Man, The Circle is sacred. you cant say stuff like that! no lies!" Stefan whined.

"But im not lying."Elena pouted.

"You what words fun to say? Hip."damon said. Damn humans are stupid.

"Elena, man whatever."

"see, i love the way it pops. Hip,HiPuh, look i can see my mouth. HeHeHe" damon said talking with a pout.

"Man! i am as high as a frickin kite!" Caroline said.

"Damn! I'm hungry! Damon you stole my candy! Yousonofabitch."

is gonna be a looooonnnnggg night.

A/N

yeah boy. i love that '70s show. anyhoos, not one of my best chapters here.

Hey! Kik users can chat with me or recommend their fics or whatever over there too

. user names simmersteo.

RnR

muaz my lovelies!


End file.
